T-minus 4 days!

This last weekend was the best "last hurrah" I could ask for. :) Starting tomorrow, I'll be on my phase 2 diet - which will consist largely of protein drinks, juice, broth, and oatmeal. I have to follow this through until my surgery on Thursday, so technically, today's my very last day to eat things I normally wouldn't be able to starting on Thursday. This weekend, I went down to Beaumont with my family to watch my grandfather get remarried, and had a lovely time! Now, it's time to get back to work, finish all of these last minute assignments I'll have due before I take a vacation from both school at work, and make all of these preparations!

When I first found out about the surgery, I crafted a letter to my friends and family on Facebook telling them my intentions and why I was doing it. :) This was written on October 1st, over a month ago - it's hard to believe everything's going so fast!

I have yet to set a date, but my insurance has just approved me.

Preferably before the end of the year, I plan on having the Lap Band surgery. I've been overweight - more than that, obese, my entire life. I cannot, honestly, cannot remember the last time I was under 200lbs, and I'm fairly sure it was during middle school. I have struggled my way through diets, only to "fall off the wagon" and start eating unhealthy because I "had no time to concentrate on that". I've had low self-esteem issues, no matter how much I tell myself and others just how fantastic I am. Three years ago, I was diagnosed with Asthma -- something that has had a majorimpact on my life. In Rome, I stayed at home on the days my parents would be walking a lot. In Paris, in London, I chose to take the metro or the tube everywhere I could. I've struggled with it at work, and have had to sit down to make it calm down. I've had panic attacks which have led to asthma attacks, which have led to worse asthma attacks. I've been in the hospital twice because of it, possibly three times. I've taken the elevator because climbing more than two flights of stairs sets it off. I've had to take pills every day, and puffs from an inhaler every day, just to keep ahead of it.

Recently as well, I've been having skin conditions that have put me into the operating room twice. My primary healthcare physician has voiced his concerns about Diabetes being a very likely risk if I do not do something about this. I've been ridiculed, embarrassed, and hurt from things that have been said about me by complete strangers. I know that this, especially my weight, is not who I am. I know that there is a much healthier, much happier person somewhere inside of me, and I have to find that person.

I'm not saying this because I'm asking for pity in any way, but because I know that support would mean the world to me. I have always had the most beautiful friends and family; those who have stood by me from day one, and I cherish you more than you likely know. I'm saying this because it's so important to me that I still keep you as friends as I go through this radical change, and that no one is alarmed by any differences that may happen over the next year or two. I won't deny that I'm excited, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't terrified. I'm afraid of getting surgery. I'm even afraid that my obesity and my weight problem is all psychological, and that I'll end up sabotaging myself. But... I know that if this does work out, if I do lose the weight I need to, everything will be so much better.

And I'll breathe easier. Literally.

To all of you: Thank you. For everything you have ever done for me, for accepting me as who I am. I can only hope you'll stand by me.

This all being said, I think it's time for me to go shopping! Here's to a new life. :)